Please, let me fuck your mom
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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