We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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