I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
