I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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