I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
