Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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