But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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