Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
