dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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