it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
