bring money and cleavage
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
