He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
