I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
