What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
