I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
