I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
