hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
