i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
