help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
