Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
