I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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