Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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