This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
