im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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