I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
