I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
