Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Vodka?
Forever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
