Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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