We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
foreskin is a definite game changer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
