i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
