Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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