i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let's paint friendship bongs
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
