This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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