she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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