Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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