We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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