Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
