Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
