dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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