oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
