Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
