You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
