Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
