I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
