there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
