sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
