guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
