woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
