Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
