Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
