She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he laminated a picture of his dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
