Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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