my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
