I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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