You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
