Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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