Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
