Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
