Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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