Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
