Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
