Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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