i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
