I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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