Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
