something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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