just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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