I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
