i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
